A Night to Forget Read online

  I knew I wasn’t a prude. I’ve done everything up to sex. But I’ve always wanted my first time to be special, and with someone special, and as much as I cared about Mike, it never felt right to me—he never felt right to me. I knew it was silly to compare, but I’ve never felt that unquenchable need for Mike that I felt in my dreams for the mystery man. In fact, even in my waking hours, I yearned for this mystery man that only existed in my dreams.

  People described the feelings they had for the one they loved—that electricity they felt when their bodies touched. I haven’t felt that yet with anyone, and I wanted to feel that with the man I would give my virginity to. Maybe I was being naïve to think that kind of love could be real, but I was not ready to give up the hope that it could be a reality for me.

  Chapter 2

  After several weeks of shopping and of desperately searching for some decent-fitting swimsuits—which, by the way, was near impossible—Cancun was just a day away. I was giddy with anticipation at the thought of the fun-filled week Jill had planned for us. It took me over two hours to pack, but I finally managed to pull the zipper around my suitcase, which was now stuffed to the brim.

  I heard the doorbell sound from the living room. That must be Mike. We were going to have dinner and hang out before we both left for spring break tomorrow.

  “Hi babe,” Mike said when I opened my apartment door to let him inside. He was wearing my favorite worn-down grey t-shirt and dark-washed jeans, and he looked handsome this evening. It looks like he just shaved before he got here, I thought to myself.

  He leaned in for a hug and I inhaled deeply the familiar smell of his cologne as I buried my face into his embrace. He only wore his cologne on special occasions. “You smell nice. Are we wearing cologne tonight?” I teased as I leaned up towards him to give him a kiss before leading him inside.

  “Well, considering we won’t be seeing each other for all of next week, I wanted tonight to be special.” There was slight rawness in his voice, and I felt a tinge of guilt. “I know, I’ll really miss you, but we’ll talk on the phone daily. Promise.”

  “Are you all packed for Vegas?” I asked, trying to derail the conversation.

  “Not yet, my flight isn’t until tomorrow afternoon. I’ll pack in the morning.”

  “Mike, you are such a procrastinator,” I laughed as I playfully slapped him on his shoulder. “You always leave things to the last minute.”

  “Hey, what can I say? I work well under pressure,” he said playfully.

  He pulled me into his arms and kissed me deeply. I let out a deep sigh of content. Mike made me feel comfortable and safe, and I never felt pressured to do anything I didn’t want to do.

  “I love you so much, Emma,” Mike whispered softly into my ears, his warm breath on my ears sent chills down my back. I looked up at him, “I love you too, Mike. And I really will miss you when I’m in Cancun. I promise to send you lots of pictures of the beach, the sunset, and Chichen Itza.”

  “Chichen Itza?” he said, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

  “Yes, remember? I mentioned it to you before. It’s one of the places the girls and I are visiting next week. It’s one of the largest pre-Columbian Mayan city ruins,” I said.

  “Oh yeah, right, you did mention something about that,” he said with a hint of disinterest in his voice. I felt a shot of annoyance in his response. He never seems interested in anything beyond what’s going on immediately around him.

  “So where did you want to order dinner from?” I asked, trying hard to brush off my irritation.

  “I was thinking maybe some Chinese take-out. What about you?”

  “Chinese food sounds great. Do you know what you want to get? I have a few menus here somewhere,” I said as I sifted through the kitchen drawer dedicated to take-out menus, random condiment packets, and other random odds and ends.

  “Yeah, some Kung Pao Chicken would hit the spot. Want to share?” he asked.

  “Mike, you know I have a peanut allergy. There’s peanuts in Kung Pao Chicken,” I said, my irritation starting to return.

  “Oh right. Sorry about that. What about Chicken Cashew?” he asked as he looked through the menu.

  “My peanut allergy includes cashews, remember?” What was wrong with him tonight? Has he always been so insensitive? I thought.

  “Oh, right. Hmm. Do you want to just order for us then? I don’t really care,” he said as he handed me the menu.

  “Is something wrong, Mike?” I asked, irritated by how he was behaving.

  “No, nothing’s wrong. I’m not too hungry,” he said with no further explanation.

  “Okay, well let me call in an order for a few things. We may get hungry later,” I said.

  After I called in the order, I went into the living room and sat down next to Mike. “So do you want to watch a movie or something?” I asked.

  “Hey, so my bros want to hit up a strip club one of the nights next week,” he said abruptly in response. “Would you be okay with that?”

  I was caught by surprise and wasn’t sure what to say.

  “Yeah, well, umm. Sure, I guess that’s okay,” I responded, not quite sure where this conversation is going.

  “Thanks, babe. I knew you’d understand,” he said as he leaned over to kiss me. As he slowly anchored his body over me, his kisses grew more hungry and his hands moved with a purpose. “I love you so much, Emma.” His voice was shaky and rushed.

  “Mike, is something wrong?” I asked, confused by where this was all coming from.

  Instead of responding, Mike positioned me under him and pressed himself harder against me as his lips eagerly explored my neck.

  “Mike?” I asked, with an edge of urgency in my voice.

  He wasn’t listening. His hand was behind my back unhooking my bra as his other hand and hungry mouth were moving towards my exposed breasts.

  “Mike, what are you doing? We’re in the living room, and Jill’s in her room,” I hissed at him, the annoyance I felt was rising. What’s gotten into him?

  “Right, right, let’s go to your room,” he said hastily, getting up and moving us towards my room as he continued to kiss and knead my breasts.

  “Mike, but the delivery guy will probably be here soon,” I protested, trying to halt our movement. He ignored me and urged me further towards my room.

  “Mike! Stop it, what are you doing?” I said, my voice louder and with more conviction as I pushed him away from me. “What’s wrong with you tonight?”

  Mike finally stopped at my words. “What’s wrong with me?” he demanded, “What’s wrong with me?” he repeated as anger invaded his voice. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Emma?” he yelled, his face red and contorted. “What the fuck is wrong with us?”

  I stood there in bewilderment and couldn’t respond. I noticed that I was holding my breath, too stunned to even exhale. I’ve never seen Mike act like this towards me.

  “I … Mike, what are you talking about?” I finally said softly, unsure of how he’d react.

  “Emma, I don’t think I can take it anymore. We’re both 22 years old! We love each other, or at least I think you love me,” he paused slightly, looking for an acknowledgment from me.

  I couldn’t speak and just stared at him.

  “And we care about each other, and we’ve been together for over a year now,” he continued. “So why are we not having sex? We should be having sex! We should be having lots of sex!”

  “Mike, I’m sorry. I thought you were okay with taking it slow. It just doesn’t feel right yet, but … but I do really care about you,” I said meekly.

  “Fuck, Emma. What do I need to do to make it feel right for you? When will you ever be ready? College is almost over. It’s our senior year. I can’t believe I have a girlfriend and I haven’t gotten laid in over a year!” he said with exasperation.

  “It just doesn’t feel right yet,” I repeated.

  “Emma, I’ve tried really hard to be patient with you, but do you know
what my frat bros think about me? Do you know what they say behind my back—no actually, what they say to my face?” Mike’s face was filled with frustration.

  “Why are you talking to them about our sex life?” I interrupted him.

  “What sex life?” he retorted, “We are guys, Emma. We talk about sex, girls, sports, and more sex. We talk and think about sex all the time. And for most of us, we are having sex all the time,” he said in disgust. “Except for me, that is. Do you know that I’m the laughing stock at the house? Before I met you, I got so much ass, the guys respected me. But then I met you. I thought you were special and unlike the other blondes around L.A., so I was willing to wait a little longer. But, it’s been over a year now, Emma. Are you ever going to sleep with me?” Mike’s voice was a mixture of anger and resentment.

  “I—I don’t know,” I said, surprised by my admission. A look of hurt broke through Mike’s angry face. He had not been expecting that response.

  “What? Why? Why the hell not?” he demanded.

  “Honestly? Well … I’m not sure.” I paused, trying to figure out what to say next. “For some reason, it just doesn’t feel right, at least not right now. And I don’t know if it’s timing … or if it’s us.” Tears rolled down my face as I looked up at him when I spoke. Why did it take this long for me to admit this to myself? I thought.

  “Is there someone else?” he asked accusingly.

  “No, there’s never been anyone else,” I said defensively. He doesn’t have to know about the dreams. Plus, it’s not like I have any control over those thoughts.

  “Shit, I don’t know what to believe anymore with you. You tell me you love me, but you don’t even know if you’ll ever want to have sex with me.” He sighed in frustration and violently rubbed his face with his hands. “I can’t do this anymore.”

  “Do what?” A feeling of dread flooded through me.

  “This, Emma,” he said as he motioned his hands back and forth between us. “Whatever this is between us? This sex-less relationship. This friendship,” he said with disdain in his voice.

  “Mike, it just doesn’t feel right yet,” I whispered.

  “I know what happened to you during freshman year traumatized you, but it’s been three years, Emma, and I’ve been very patient up until now.”

  He backed away from me and walked towards the front door. He paused and looked back at me when his hand grabbed the door knob. A long, awkward silence filled the air as he waited for me to respond.

  I remained silent, unsure of what I could say to make this situation better.

  Then the expression on his face changed from frustration to anger. “It’s my last fucking year of college, and I’m going to have sex. If not with you, then with one of the many ready and willing girls who would love to fuck me.” He opened the front door before looking back at me, “Last chance, Emma.” A spark of hope broke through in his angry voice.

  I looked at him in shock and indignation. “I’m sorry, Mike. I can’t … I just can’t, especially not with someone I apparently don’t even know.”

  “Fine. Goodbye, Emma. Have a great fucking life.” Mike slammed the door behind him, and with that, he was gone.

  I stood there in shock, unable to move or understand what exactly just happened.

  Mike’s words echoed in my head. Why was I holding out on him? I mean, I knew that I was ready for sex—in fact, I had been for quite some time. I’ve even been having sex dreams lately. So why hadn’t it felt right with Mike?

  He was right to be upset with me. Aside from some minor things, he had been a good boyfriend. So after a year of dating, I should want to sleep with him, even if I had been traumatized three years ago. That had nothing to do with Mike, and I shouldn’t hold out on him for something he hadn’t done. I shuddered as the memory of that night crept into my consciousness, and I immediately pushed it out of my thoughts.

  No, it must be more than that. Maybe it was because I never felt that electric spark with Mike. I did love him and cared for him, but I never thought that he was the one. He was someone I felt comfortable with, someone who never pressured me into sex—well, that was, until tonight. But I had never looked at him and thought, God, I want him here and now. Wasn’t that something I should feel about someone I was going to give up my virginity to? Was I asking for too much?

  “Emma?”

  I jumped in surprised when Jill lightly touched my arms. “What just happened? I heard the yelling,” she said with concern in her eyes.

  “I don’t know. I think Mike and I just broke up,” I whispered, my voice slightly shaky and uncertain.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, hun. Are you okay?” she hugged me as my body was limp and unresponsive, still reeling from shock of the breakup and my thoughts.

  “I think I am, surprisingly,” I said slowly as my mind came out of the fog. “He wanted to have sex, and I didn’t.”

  “And he should respect that. He always has. What’s changed?” Jill said in a protective tone.

  “Well, it has been over a year since we’ve been together. And Jill, I do want to have sex. But I want my first time to be with someone special, and I just realized tonight that I’ve never wanted it to be with him.” As I said these words aloud, and mixed feelings of loss and freedom flooded through me.

  “I can’t believe I never realized that before,” I continued.

  “Yeah, well … I think I always thought that,” Jill said sheepishly.

  “Really?” I looked at her in surprise. “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “Well, you guys did seem to love each other, but I never saw passion between the two of you—well, at least not from you. It was always playful, but I’ve never seen you look at him in that way.”

  “In what way?” I asked, not quite sure what she was implying.

  “You know, the look someone gets when they’re completely in love with someone in every way and they can’t keep their hands off that person. You didn’t have that with Mike.”

  She was right, I realized. I always found Mike to be handsome and charming, but I had never found myself having sexual thoughts of him. At that moment, a few flashbacks of my sex dreams of the mystery dream man came into my thoughts. Mmm, yeah, definitely no sexual thoughts like those.

  “Well Cancun cannot have arrived at a more perfect time,” Jill said with excitement. She was always the one to find the positive side to things. “Now that you’re single, it’ll be so much more fun! Four single girls on spring break in Cancun!” She giggled in excitement.

  I laughed at her, and realized how infectious her positive energy had always been on me. “You’re right. Cancun will be fun, and we’re going to have an unforgettable time,” I said, making an effort to join in the excitement.

  “And who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone there who you do have a passionate spark with,” she teased.

  “Oh come on, Jill. I’m a virgin and that’s just not like me,” I said, laughing at her suggestion.

  “Hey, anything can happen. As they say, ‘whatever happens in Cancun, stays in Cancun!’” she said with a devious wink and giggle.

  Chapter 3

  I laid lazily on my back with my eyes closed, enjoying the relaxing day that Jill had blocked out for us in her busy itinerary. This was our fourth day in Cancun, and up until now, our days have been packed with events. I laughed at the memory of seeing Jill’s color-coded itinerary, charts, and maps for the first time when we landed in Cancun. The itinerary was more than a little ambitious, but Jill was determined to make this week a memorable one.

  I thought back to the last three incredible days we’ve had. We had arrived in Cancun Sunday morning full of giggles and excitement. Since then, we’d explored the strip, ate more than our fair share of delicious fish tacos, and spent hours at Mercado 28, the amazing open market that sold a hodgepodge of local handcrafts, souvenirs, clothes, and food. We had also went on an all-day catamaran snorkeling tour, where we sunbathed on the deck and snorkeled in the turquoise-bl
ue waters that housed fish of various colors. I was pretty sure I saw Nemo and Dory, but the girls didn’t believe me. We had also spent a day visiting Chichen Itza, the large pre-Columbian city built by the Mayans. And of course, at night, we drank more tequila than we’d ever drank in our lives and danced the nights away at a different club each night.

  Today—thank God—was our “day off” according to Jill’s itinerary, and the plan was to spend the entire day on the beach.

  “Hey Emma, Jill and I are going to walk down to that beach party over there,” Steph said as she got up from her spot on the sand.

  I opened my eyes slightly, squinting at the light as I looked up at her. I then looked over to the direction of the beach Steph was pointing towards. There was a large beach party about two beach resorts over. Even from several hundred yards away, I could see the sea of people and hear the faint sounds of a Bruno Mars song playing.

  “Wanna come with us?” Steph continued, as she brushed her fingers through her wavy, blonde hair.

  “Maybe a little later. I’ll find you guys,” I said. I felt too comfortable at the moment to move.

  “I’ll stay here with Emma,” Gloria said. She was laying on her stomach and flipping through Cosmopolitan.

  “Thanks, Glo.”

  “Okay, don’t wait too long, or we’ll claim all the hot guys for ourselves,” Steph teased.

  “See you guys in a few. And I’ll try to control Steph and save you guys a few hotties,” Jill yelled back, as she and Steph walked towards the party.

  I laughed after them. Steph was 5’9”, blonde, and had big boobs and a size 2 waist. While she had no trouble drawing guys in, she also intimidated most of them. She was incredibly smart and aggressive, and for as long as I’ve known her, she had never lost an argument with someone else, over anything. I had no doubt that she was going to make a great future lawyer.

  Right after Steph and Jill left, a hot, tanned shirtless waiter came by to take our drink order.